Archive for the ‘funnies’ Category

The man with the transplanted hand

 

This is the story of the man and his transplanted hand.

The transplant, he found. was to bring much consternation.

Because the hand that they gave him, was prone to masterbation!

The hand it would seem, had a mind of it’s own

and that’s why the poor guy could never leave his home.

In the man’s mind, everything would seem cool.

but out here, in the real world, he was pulling on his tool!

He went to his doctor, who pumped him full of meds.

Which didn’t do a damn thing, except keep his ass in bed

A man with his affliction should not be laying down.

But he couldn’t go outside and move about the town.

In a fit of frustration he strapped a guitar against his junk

and when that hand got to stroking —

it was kicking out the FUNK!!

He was rockin’ that guitar like a bad ass Billy Squire!

He even had the nerve to play Great balls of fire!

He played that one as a silly little pun because for the first time in a long time

he was finally having some fun!

Then the hand wrote a note saying all it wanted was attention

So the man and his hand chose to end all their contention

The man told the hand that he had the most perfect of plans

Together they would start the first ever

one hand band!

DAMN!!!!!

I can’t help myself – lol

Clay B. T.

July 3, 2014

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The Elves Occupy

Posted: December 4, 2011 in art related, funnies, Music, observations

I had a little creative spurt for Christmas and came up with a little jingle for the holidays from the Elves perspective.

Enjoy,

Hey Sorry for the audio.  It happened when the video got compressed for the web.  It sucks but Oh well like the elves, “I ain’t gettin’ paid 2 do this sh##!”

A Christmas Confession

Posted: December 4, 2011 in funnies
Tags: , ,

A Christmas Confession
Christmas is that time of year when even the most hardened soul succumbs to the spirit of the holidays. Just take a look at Old Ebenezer Scrooge and I’m sure you can find a version of that character right in your own circle of acquaintances.
Well, I AM that guy. And yet I just received a Thank you card (actually an email) praising the deliciousness of my Christmas baked-goods package. It can really make your day when someone appreciates the little things.
However, With the compliment properly enjoyed I found myself slightly confused by the addition of, “We especially enjoyed the pecans in the peanut butter cookies. That was a nice touch!”
You can understand my confusion concerning the compliment much better when you are informed that I have not made anything with Pecans in quite some time. In fact, I can’t recall the last time I’ve even touched a friggin’ pecan!
In a situation such as this one asks one’s self, “Self, what are you going to do?”
And this is the point when – if you are paying attention – you get to witness the duality of your own personality.
Maybe it’s just me.
Anyway – I had the presence of mind to remember the thoughts that immediately ran through my head.
And here they are:
Do I confess the truth.
Do I even know the truth
were they being truthful
perhaps it was another basket and they just got confused
They may have just eaten – which could only be described as – quite a large bug.
But then again, They liked it
who am I to relieve them of that enjoyable experience
I think everyone would be much happier if I just kept quiet
What kind of BUG could that have been anyway
I’ve never seen a Pecan sized bug up in this Ma*%$3er before!

Screw it.
Merry Christmas
and
Enjoy your Baked-goods!

I saw a clip announcing the new season of Two and a half Men.  I was wondering about the show Sans Charlie Sheen.  What would the show be like with Ashton Kutcher in the mix and (BOOM) it hit me.

This is the Ultimate “PUNKED” episode!

The show begins and at some point Charlie Sheen pops in the scene and the cast turns to the camera and tells us all that we’ve all just been PUNKED!

That would be SO cool!

 

Remember, if it happens, you heard it here first!

I received a call today that got under my skin but I turned it into a little fun.  Lemons intoLemonaide and all that.

In an era of glaring Government inefficiencies and their wasteful ways I leave you with this song I wrote. (wanna hear it?  here it goes)

WARNING – ADULT LANGUAGE

(ya that works – I tried though)

A little diddy I call HELL NO

 

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t help myself.

I did this one for Willie Nelson.  Dude had to pay a fine because the police busted his ass for possession of the Chronic.  Great detective work there.   Willie Nelson has weed on his tour bus- go figure.

I’ve been working in a program called FL Studio making a bunch of beats and then it hit me.  I should take some of my prose and put them to  a beat.

Keep in mind, I’m not over here trying to compete with the rappers and shit but I just might try and give Weird Al a run for his money.

At least my shit is original.

Well, here it is,